’Twas the Month after Christmas

Thanks to my good friend, Martha Hicks, I am reminded of something that’s too realistic to be funny, but laugh with me anyway as you read this message she sent to me. I’m taking the week off from cooking and am ready to clean out my fridge as soon as I forward this on to my editor!

’Twas the month after Christmas,
And all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
Not even a blouse.

The cookies I’d nibbled,
The chocolate I’d taste
At the holiday parties
Had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales
There arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),

I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The drinks and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No, thank you, please.”

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
“You can’t spend a winter, disguised as a man!”

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie, not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.

 

 

 

 

Don’t forget your copy of “Lovin’ Spoonful . . . Cooking With Family and Friends,” a compilation of nearly 400 mouth-watering recipes by Sherrie Norris. It is available at all locations of High Country Media – Boone, Banner Elk, West Jefferson, and at The Avery Journal in Newland, all Boone Drugs, Black Bear Books, Trailway Laundry, Wilcox Emporium,( top level, booth 312-W,) and beginning June 15 at Mast Store locations.