This Sunday, Super Bowl XLIII (that’s Roman for 43) is hitting American television sets like a ton of corporately sponsored bricks. One of the largest events in televised sports, the Super Bowl has even transformed its game day into a quasi-holiday. Super Bowl Sunday might not be on the calendar yet, but its observers are considerably more ardent than those of, say, Administrative Professionals’ Day, and for good reason. It’s a time to gather with family and friends, enjoy copious quantities of junk food, put back some cold ones, yell at the television, realize it’s only half past noon, and then keep going until kickoff. This year, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals are joining Watauga’s second-homers and heading to Tampa Bay, Fla. Your Mountain Times staff is offering a few suggestions for celebrating the momentous occasion.

Steve Behr: The Five Rules

Supposedly, since I’m the chairman and chief executive officer of the Watauga Democrat Sports Institute, I’m supposed to be an expert on watching Super Bowls.

Super Bowl XXXIII finally gave Steve the long sought chance to yell, “GO ROD! GO ROD! GO ROD! THAT’S RIGHT! BAM!”

That doesn’t make me an expert. Watching the Denver Broncos crash and burn in four straight bowls, followed by watching them whup up on a couple of NFC patsies in the 1990s doesn’t either, but it makes me more aware of how to watch a Super Bowl game.

So here are the five official recommendations from the WDSI on how to have a successful time watching the Super Bowl this Sunday. What...the Broncos aren’t playing? Well then, who really cares about this over-hyped pow-wow anyway?

Rule No. 1: If you’re going to the game, don’t get a seat so close to the field that you can’t see over the teams. I was lucky enough to go to Super Bowl XXI, when the New York Giants blasted the Broncos. I was unlucky enough to be four rows from the field in the Rose Bowl, which was a huge bowl of humanity that seated more than 100,000 fans, 50,000 of them who wanted to jump off the top deck and 50,000 others egging them on like they were at the top of the Empire State Building after the game.

Anyway, I was so close to the field that I could not see over the Broncos players, so I watched 70 yards of the game on the Jumbotron at the top of the end zones, and 30 yards of it over security guards and photographers, who thankfully knelt down so we could see the game. In otherwords, I traveled 1,000 miles to watch the game outside on television. It was just as well actually, since the Broncos played horribly in the second half and were trounced 39-20 by the Giants.

Rule No. 2: If you care who wins, don’t go to a Super Bowl party. People who don’t care who wins, or who would actually rather watch a tape of Oprah, usually make too much noise or want to talk about that cute little outfit they saw at Belk. They also look at you as if you’ve lost your mind when you leap out of your seat screaming “GO ROD! GO ROD! GO ROD! THAT’S RIGHT! BAM!” (fist pump included) when Rod Smith catches an 80-yard touchdown pass from John Elway to give the Broncos a 17-3 lead over the Atlanta Falcons in Super Bowl XXXIII. Trust me on that one.

Rule No. 3: Ditch the veggie plate. This one is for those well-meaning ladies who put together a very nice plate of cauliflower, broccoli, carrots and who knows what else. No man worth his weight in William “The Refrigerator” Perry in gold nuggets wants to eat that stuff on Super Bowl Sunday. Give us wings, pizza, cheeseburgers and anything else that will send us to the hospital for the next three days.

Rule No. 4: Anybody who watches the entire pregame Super Bowl preview shows really needs to get a life.

Rule No. 5: The commercials: Yes, they are cute. Whole stories are written about them in newspapers across the country and people talk more about them then the game itself the Monday after. However, if you’re at a party where the noise is way too loud during the game, but it gets quiet during the commercials, run away. Run far, far away.

Melanie Davis: Just Another Sunday If ASU Isn’t Playing

I have never followed professional football. Only in recent years, since moving to Boone, do I watch any football. It is impossible to live in Boone and not be swept up in Mountaineer mania.

Perhaps Melanie can take her dirty clothes to the laundromat in hopes of catching the commercials.

In addition, I initially lived with my sister and brother-in-law for the first few months. He was a football fan and a culinary school graduate. I came to look forward to Monday Night Football just for his wings and other treats. It became finger-food night. I still wasn’t able to name more than 10 teams or truly follow the game. I know the basics of positions, and I think I understand downs.

Since working at the newspaper, sports editor Steve Behr has given me a much better understanding of the complexities of football, basketball and even track and field. I can now hold my own in a conversation about App State football and players. I even turn on the games on the radio while I am doing the odds and ends around the house.

Having said that, until I received this assignment, I didn’t know Super Bowl weekend was approaching. I have no television service and since the ASU season ended, football has fallen out of mind. If Melissa and Gene (sister and brother-in-law) were still living in Boone, I am sure I would run over there to indulge in wings and nachos and whatever else would be served.

As it stands, I am likely to mark Super Bowl XLIII (and, yes, I just used Google to find out the number) with my usual Sunday activities – laundry, cleaning and playing outside with the dog.

I will, however, be checking out YouTube for the best Super Bowl commercials the day after.

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Jeff Eason: Super Sunday: Game, Commercials or Halftime Show?

“Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they’re bigger than everybody else, and that’s what makes them the biggest guys on the field.”—Actual quote from NFL commentator John Madden.

For people who are planning to host a party for the big game this Sunday, my advice is to only invite folks who have the same relative interest in football as yourself. If you’re a diehard NFL fan who looks forward to the Super Bowl all year, pick out some sports freaks who will actually watch the game in a similar fashion. If you’re one of those hosts who wants to mute the play-by-play and put Abba on the stereo while the game is on, by all means invite others who prefer Swedish pop music to John Madden’s blubbery descriptions of the obvious. If you’re one of those people who watch the Super Bowl for the commercials and the halftime show, please stay away from my house.

Believe me, I’ve attended Super Bowl parties and hosted a few with all manner of football fans. I’ve watched the game with people who can tell you the results of all 42 previous Super Bowls, and I’ve watched it with people who think a “flea-flicker play” is something a dog does with his back leg. Last year, I hosted a Super Bowl party, and we had lots of fun drinking beer and cooking chicken wings with a variety of sauces. Before I knew it, the game was over and the guests were waving goodbye. Fortunately, I had the good sense to digitally record the Super Bowl, and my wife, Leslie, and I were able to watch Eli Manning and the New York Giants’ miraculous comeback against the previously undefeated New England Patriots at our leisure later that evening.
This year, I plan to do the same, just in case some non-football fans want to come over and watch the game for the commercials and to see Bruce Springsteen perform during halftime. Go Cardinals!