It’s like the confused philosopher once said: “Traffic, traffic everywhere, but not a drop to drink.” Even the most lethargic armchair philosopher would agree that for its celebrated “small town” status, Boone has its fair share of traffic. Everyone has their own pet peeves when it comes to driving — the absence of turn signals, impossible left turns, bumper stickers alerting us that “W” is “The President,” sluggish Cadillac cars with out-of-state plates — and it could easily be said that driving brings out the worst in some people. Local government recently pushed the N.C. Department of Transportation to lower the speed limit on N.C. 105, following a tragic auto accident involving a drunk driver. While a reduced speed limit isn’t likely to slow the intoxicated mind and accelerating vehicle of such a driver, the reduction shows, at least, some effort on government’s behalf. Therefore, your Mountain Times staff has a few suggestions of our own:


Jeff Eason: Homework

Jeff Eason’s modest, yet effective, home office (with furniture from the Bruce Wayne Collection).

I have several suggestions for unclogging the cholesterol-plugged arteries that are the main thoroughfares of the High Country. The first is that all people, such as myself who do office work, commit to working from home at least one day a week. With the Internet up and running, there is no reason that a good portion of our workers shouldn’t be able to do all of their writing, bookkeeping, phone calls and interviews from home at least once a week. No cheating! You’ve got to complete as much work on that day as you would from the office if you want your boss’s approval.

Second, what’s it going to take to get some honest to goodness bike lanes around here? I know many people who would occasionally pedal to work if it didn’t mean playing Russian roulette with life and limb. No sane person would bike down N.C. 105 with its current lane configuration.

Third, Appalachian State is the only UNC system school that allows freshmen to bring their vehicles with them to school (except for extenuating circumstances). The result is an extra couple thousand cars in and around downtown Boone every weekday from August through May. ’Nuff said.

Fourth, employers should enact and encourage direct deposit paychecks to employee bank accounts. It is no secret that Friday afternoon is the absolute worst time to try to get anywhere in this town. And it seems as if a good percentage of those motorists are trying to get to and from the bank.

Of course, when you gotta go somewhere, you gotta go somewhere. If that’s the case, happy motoring!

Frank Ruggiero: Enough with the freshman cars already

Yosef flees from his debtors.

It’s a well-known fact that Appalachian State University’s freshman class steadily grows year to year. Heck, the University of North Carolina system mandates such growth, and who can blame them? Education is good, so the more the merrier. But when Appalachian is the only university in the 17-campus system that allows thousands of freshmen to bring thousands of cars to campus, it begs the question, “What’s up with that?”

Even though Appalachian turns down hundreds of freshmen applications per semester, administration is concerned that prospective students will go elsewhere, should it come down to driving themselves versus carpooling with Madison from geometry class and her boyfriend, Todd. Even with the PART (Piedmont Area Regional Transportation) bus that commutes daily from Boone to Wilkesboro, Yadkin County, Winston-Salem, Greensboro and back again, university administration stands its ground like a booted Escalade with two flat tires. Now, this wouldn’t necessarily prohibit your more affluent freshman from bringing his vehicle to Boone, as there are plenty of privately-owned lots scattered throughout town, but people would still see a marked difference.

Granted, as a freshman from Greensboro, I probably would have objected to the notion. Then again, I also initially objected to living in Coltrane Hall, known throughout campus for its rooms resembling airplane lavatories (minus the privacy and toilet), but I shouldered it as part of the college experience and even smile back on those days. And hey, who’s to say the college experience should exclude carpooling with Madison and Todd?

Scott Nicholson: Punitive privileges

Nicholson’s third novel, “The Manor,” scored him this baby for a week.

Traffic could best be improved through a process in which half of all motorists lost their driving privileges. We already punish those who allow their blood-alcohol level to reach .08 percent (or less than one part alcohol to every 1,000 parts blood, about the same proof as your average Virgin Bloody Mary). If we fairly applied such punitive measures to drivers who equally place other motorists and pedestrians at risk, we might as well extend the loss of license to other dangerous, though less morally colored, offenses.

Anyone who refuses to use a left turn signal (which is about half the population, from my armchair observation, though don’t ask why I’m driving around in an armchair or if my Bloody Mary is virginal) will have privileges revoked for three months, followed by a three-month probationary period in which they can only make right turns.

Those who talk on cell phones while simultaneously driving behemoths with names like “Nissan Armada” or “Chrysler Behemoth,” blocking two lanes of traffic and restricting visibility while glacially migrating at six miles per hour and four miles per gallon, should be forced to use public transportation for at least a year.

Anyone caught riding around in the front seat of a pickup truck with an unrestrained child sitting in his or her lap should be tried not only for a felony seatbelt violation, but for reckless endangerment and attempted manslaughter, as well. The same goes for unrestrained pets, especially those gnarly, mangy dogs that leap at the window and growl at passersby. Unfortunately, the only current penalty for this transgression is ripped upholstery and permanent wet doggie smell.

However, the ultimate solution is already in sight, so none of us will have to be considerate, and our vigilantes of highway justice will be under less strain. Rising oil prices and our killer addiction to a dwindling supply of petroleum will soon remove many of us from the road.

Unfortunately, that pool’s not likely to include behemoth drivers, drunks or elected officials.

Melanie Davis: New Market Boulevard intersection

Overall, traffic in Boone doesn’t particularly annoy me. Yes, it is congested and I am guilty of pointing fingers at students, Floridians and myself, occasionally. All in all, though, it could be worse.

When people start going on a tangent about Boone traffic, I ask when was the last time they turned onto King Street at 5 p.m. on a weekday. Someone always lets you out into traffic. I feel fortunate that, although I am waiting 15 minutes in traffic longer than I would like, at least I am waiting with nice folks.

My major concern with traffic in the area is the intersection of New Market Boulevard and U.S. 421. The southbound turning lane is minuscule, as are the traffic lanes. I drive that section of U.S. 421 frequently and always try to be in the outer lane. I will go to the N.C. 194 intersection to turn into New Market Centre simply because I value my side view mirrors.

That intersection gets a high volume of traffic, yet the turning lane seems to be designed with two Geo Metros in mind. I don’t know how it is possible there aren’t five side-swipe accidents a week at that intersection.

Beyond that, I think people should simply leave home a little earlier. Traffic is slow and it has been since I moved here. I don’t understand the fuss; just plan for it. While you’re sitting in traffic, balance your checkbook, call in to the radio station, and thank the stars we don’t live in Charlotte.