Time For Spring Cleaning of Bad Driving Habits

Last week we experienced a little late winter/early spring snowstorm just as all of the Appalachian State students were returning from spring break. I’m not exactly sure what they did down there in Daytona, Key West and Cancun, but whatever they did it erased that part of their brains that tells them how to drive in icy weather.

Unfortunately, college students weren’t the only ones who seemed to have lost the ability to drive on the ice and snow. I saw people tailgating, sliding off the road, and (my personal favorite) riding their brakes down steep hills instead of putting the car in a lower gear.

Well, as sure as the red-breasted robins are back from the south to pull all the worms out of your lawn, it is time for Captain Jeff’s Annual Driving Lesson and Lecture!

Instead of a lengthy preamble about the benefits of seatbelts (there are many) and the downfalls of drinking and driving (there are many), I’m going to go straight to Captain Jeff’s Top Three most despicable driving traits. If one or more of these traits hits you where you live, please stay off the roads while my loved ones are using them.

Number Three: The Cell Phone. I’ve softened on this one over the years as I realize that telling people not to talk on their cell phones while they are driving is as about as good a use of my time as telling my housecat about the danger of grizzly bears. So, with that in mind, I urge you to use them only when you have to. I see more and more drivers these days who specifically wait until they are behind the wheel to make all of their calls for the day. I know, I know, it’s called multi-tasking. But so is pumping gas and welding. Here’s some calls you should really take: How many close calls have you had while talking on the phone and driving? Let one of those close calls be your wakeup call.

Number Two: The Lazy Left. The lazy left is that maneuver you encounter when you pull up to a stoplight at an intersection and are almost hit by another car making a wide swooping left in front of you. Lazy left-ers will use as many lanes as humanly possible while making their 90-degree turn. You will also find them drifting into your lane from a parallel lane when making a left or right hand turn. The intersection of Hwy 421 and the 105 Extension (across from the NAPA store in Boone) is notorious for this maneuver and I am amazed that I don’t see more cars sideswiped there.

The lazy left is caused by a number of factors including but not limited to using one hand while making a 90-degree turn (the other being needed for doughnuts, coffee, cigarettes, cell phones, make-up application, etc.) and, well, just general laziness. Come on, people. Give a good tug on that wheel and I guarantee you it will make that 90-degree turn without putting everyone on the sidewalk in peril.

And Number One: Parking Lot Perpetrators! Yes, for the second year in a row, parking lot perpetrators are the most heinous drivers in the High Country. Let me point them out and scold them thusly. First off, do you really need to drive so fast in the parking lot? You’re already there, so you’re not going to make up any last time. You also know for a fact that it is a parking lot—full of pedestrians, blind spots and cars suddenly backing out of spaces—so take it easy. According to the Boone Police Department, over 35% of all accident reports in the area come from parking lots. That should tell you something.

Secondly, the people who paint those lines in the parking lots may have overestimated how many compact cars there actually are in the High Country (what’s up with that?), but generally they have our best interests in mind. Don’t drive diagonally through a bunch of spaces to save three or four seconds on your way home. Use the designated paths. Don’t create your own unique parking space at the end of the lane closest to the store. You’re not fooling anyone. And for the love of humanity, don’t park in the fire lane just because you are too lazy to walk a hundred feet from a real parking space. I see this all the time, and it’s never the elderly people in our area who are committing this dastardly crime. It’s usually some perfectly healthy college kid who feels like they shouldn’t have to use a regulation parking space because they’re just stopping in for a case of cheap beer.

One day I’m going to rent a tow truck and spend an entire evening towing cars from the fire lanes in front of area grocery stores. I doubt I’ll make many friends doing this, but I will have made a point.