Dangerously Boring
Nic Cage follows through with contract to put viewers to sleep

I have a confession to make: there is no other actor I enjoy laughing at more than Nicolas Cage. Going to see his hilariously bad movies usually fill my heart with joy, but this reviewer was in for a surprise with Bangkok Dangerous, as the screen lit up with gritty, interesting cinematography and a soundtrack that didn’t quite make audience members want to fill their ears with Styrofoam.

Before you stampede the theater, allow me to relay what happened next. Nicolas Cage proceeded to do his signature, Droopy Dog-esque voice over in a tired attempt to make his future internal conflict seem less obvious, though everyone in the theater has already read the script and mistaken it for five other movies.

Hitman Joe (Cage) is ready to quit the business. But before he does, he has one last mission: kill 4 men he has never met for a hefty fee. He doesn’t anticipate a connection with his delinquent messenger boy, Kong (Shahkrit Yamnarm), making it difficult to dispose of him after the job.

Nicolas Cage, hopefully, doesn’t act as awkwardly with real people as he does on screen; his interactions with Yamnarm and Charlie Yeung (as Joe’s love interest, a deaf-mute pharmacist) make the audience squirm. Scenes with Yeung are populated by silence and Cage’s uncomfortable attempts at charm.

Supposing we disregard Cage’s ability to be the creepiest man on the screen, the blame rests with Bangkok Dangerous’ silly writers. A strange amount of time is spent staring at an elephant poster; Joe keeps paint can bombs around for emergencies; after shooting a man, Nic has a stroke and forgets how to lower his arm; Kong woos a stripper by staring at her romancing other men. These ideas, coupled with the idea that Nicolas Cage should carry the weight of a film that requires facial expressions, make a well-filmed movie into a yawn fest.

Despite being nice to look at, this film fizzles with little action and too many monologues. This reviewer encourages any readers brave enough to sit through Nic Cage not to think about the plot and, instead, think about the upcoming fall line-up that will blow Bangkok Dangerous out of the water.

Bangkok Dangerous is rated R, for violence, language and some sexuality.