These boots are made for drop-kicking! The Rock brings a much-needed dose of levity to the hip proceedings in Be Cool.

Be Cool Is Lukewarm
Chatterbox Characters Talk the Life out of Get Shorty Sequel

Anyone who has read any of Elmore Leonard’s novels knows that the man is in love with dialogue. Pages and pages of snappy, wiseacre dialogue go by before any real action propels the plot forward a few notches. And then we are treated to pages and pages of further dialogue referring to the tiny bit of action we have just experienced.

The problem that I have with Leonard’s novels is the same one that I have with most of the film adaptations of his work. I thought Striptease (starring Demi Moore) was about as boring a movie as you could have possibly made given the titillating nature of the subject matter. And I considered Get Shorty only slightly enjoyable in a Tarrantino-Light sort of way.

The new film Be Cool is the Leonard-penned sequel to Get Shorty and it is a star-studded dud. To point to a movie with this many A-list stars that failed to live up to its billing, you’d have to go all the way back to, well, Ocean’s Twelve.

Any movie that stars John Travolta, Uma Thurman, James Woods, Harvey Keitel and Vince Vaughn ought to have sparks squeezing out of every scene. Instead, the viewer will probably be more entertained by the eyebrow raising and silly antics of former professional wrestler The Rock as a bodyguard-slash-aspiring actor named Elliot Wilhelm.

In Be Cool, Travolta’s too-cool-for-anybody-else-on-earth persona Chili Palmer returns to take on the music industry with his trademark tough guy smirk. The hit man tries to become “hit” man by stealing a talented singer named Linda Moon (Christina Milian) away from her demented manager Raji (Vaughn). Chili is also trying to help his best friend’s widow, Edie Athens (Thurman), keep her recording company out of the clutches of the Russian mob and a competing hip-hop mogul named Sin LaSalle (Cedric the Entertainer).

There are also characters in the film with the names Hy Gordon, Joe Loop, Roman Bulkin, and Fast Freddie. The movie’s dialogue is as phony sounding as the names that Leonard gives to his characters and the film is a constant chatter of people trying overly hard to sound tough and cool at the same time.

The other problem is that the movie makes it seem like the entire recording industry is set to go to war over a female singer of dubious talent. I suspect that the remaining contestants on this season’s edition of American Idol could all sing rings around the meager voice of Christina Milian. When director F. Gary Gray trots out geriatric rock stars Steven Tyler and Joe Perry to praise Moon for her singing, whatever hip quotient the movie retained until then goes down the drain in a hurry.

Even a feeble attempt to recreate the magic of Pulp Fiction by having Thurman and Travolta dance together—with the exact same moves and camera angles of twelve years ago—does little to save this poor picture from its decidedly uncool self.

The only redeeming feature of Be Cool is the endearing performances of relative newcomers The Rock and Andre Benjamin (Andre 3000 of Outkast fame). Two years ago, The Rock may not have yet gained the acting chops to carry a movie in a starring role as was required in The Scorpion King. In Be Cool, however, he takes Eliot’s flamboyant character and runs with it. The video within a movie where he is dressed up as gay cowboy and sings “You Ain’t Woman Enough to Take My Man” might be the most memorable scene in the whole film.

As Dabu, a member of Sin LaSalle’s gangster entourage, Benjamin brings a self-deprecating humor that is sorely lacking in every other character in the film. The audience can see right through Dabu and Elliot’s tough guy demeanors and as such can relate to them in a way that is impossible with every other person in the film.

Be Cool is rated PG-13 for violence, sensuality, and language including sexual references. It is currently playing at Regal Cinema in Boone.