A Two-Hour Eternity with Keanu Reeves
Constantine Aims for Matrix Magic and Misses

In the new movie Constantine, it’s Heaven vs. Hell on the neutral court of planet earth. More of a jumbled mess than a thrill ride of good and evil, Constantine, starring a doleful and less than charismatic Keanu Reeves, does have its moments.

“Whoa, dude, there are a lot more junk cars and kudzu in Hell than I thought there’d be.” Keanu Reeves stars in the new thriller Constantine.

On the plus side, Constantine explores some of the more subtle dimensions of mystic Catholicism with a fervor that is usually reserved for adult comic books. There are exorcisms of shrieking intensity, strolls through the sulfuric streets of Hell, and wicked angels with their wings cut off.

There are, however, shockingly few “scary movie” moments. In its attempt to be more than just a scary movie, Constantine ends up being something less. For every good jolt of action featuring the demons of Hell, there is at least one drawn out scene where Reeves’ character tries to casually explain what is going on. Yawn.

Devil fighter John Constantine is really just The Matrix’s Neo with a pack-and-a-half-a-day cigarette habit and Reeves never really tries to pull anything more out of him. You can practically see the boardroom meeting where producers dreamed up his character as a Neo clone. Now they are sitting back and waiting to see if they have a Matrix-like film franchise on their hands. They even leave the ending a little ambiguous (we don’t know if Constantine’s sidekick has died or not), so as to leave some wiggle room for the sequel’s plot.

What ultimately saves Constantine from itself is some stunning visual effects combined with compelling acting from the secondary cast. Rachel Weisz (The Mummy, Chain Reaction, Confidence) continues to be an actress that is one high-profile role away from superstardom. Here she plays Detective Angela Dodson with a commendable blend of guts and trepidation.

Tilda Swinton—a 2002 Golden Globe nominee for The Deep End—provides the perfect Gabriel. “As God’s gatekeeper on Earth, Gabriel is the only entity Constantine can petition directly for a way to avoid going to Hell,” said Swinton. She brings an androgynous sassy-ness to the role and one can imagine her Gabriel being responsible for all kinds of high jinks in Heaven.

In an all-too-brief appearance at the end of the film, Swedish actor Peter Stormare plays a deliciously fiendish-yet-funny Satan. With understated menace, he steals the last ten minutes of the show.

“What I felt I’d never seen was simply a bored, unemotional, kind of creepy guy along the lines of Fagan in Oliver Twist—in a word, insouciant,” said director Francis Lawrence of Stormare’s performance. “He doesn’t need to get angry, he doesn’t need to make a scene or call attention to himself—he’s Satan, after all.”

The entire plot twist of the ending does help make up for some of the lulls in getting there. If the producers desire turning John Constantine’s world into a film franchise, they need to find some redeeming aspect of his character that makes the viewer care what happens to him. Or maybe recast him with another actor.

Constantine will appeal to lovers of the graphic novel genre (that’s comic books for adults, in case you didn’t know), but probably not to the rest of the movie-going public. It is neither scary enough for scary movie fans nor engaging enough plot-wise for fans of The Matrix.

Constantine is rated R for violence and demonic images and is currently playing at Regal Cinemas in Boone.

Oscar Picks

Briefly, here are my picks for the six biggest Oscars to be handed out this Sunday evening: Best Actor—Jamie Foxx, Best Supporting Actor—Thomas Haden Church, Best Actress—Hilary Swank; Best Supporting Actress—Virginia Madsen, Best Picture—Sideways, Best Director—Clint Eastwood.

Now here is how Sunday will actually play out: Foxx will win Best Actor for Ray. DiCaprio was really good in The Aviator, but I can think of a number of actors who could’ve probably pulled that off with Scorsese’s direction. Without Foxx, there is no movie called Ray.

Every year at the Oscars, there is one award that is more of a lifetime achievement award than an actual acknowledgement of a single performance. Hence, Morgan Freeman will win Best Supporting Actor for Million Dollar Baby even though I thought his character was two-dimensional.

I still think Swank is the frontrunner in the Best Actress category even though she just won the award five years ago. In an upset, look for the Academy to award it to all-around nice gal Annette Bening just for being so swell all these years.

Madsen, like Church, has the hindrance of acting in the comedy Sideways. The Academy always seems to slight comedies and adventure movies and there is no reason to expect anything different this year. They do, however, love actors playing entertainment legends. So look for Cate Blanchett to win the Best Supporting Actress award for her portrayal of Katherine Hepburn in The Aviator.

In all honesty, I consider Million Dollar Baby and Sideways tied for best film of the year. There are no ties on Oscar night so it looks like Ray might win in a sentimental nod to the great musician, Ray Charles, who died last year shortly before the release of the film.

For Best Director, I’m sticking with Clint Eastwood for Million Dollar Baby. Acceptance speeches by directors are among the most longwinded, so the Academy will pick the guy who at least has a sense of humor about his place in film history. You go, Clint!