Everything Except a Good Idea
The Covenant Borders on the Ridiculous

The opening scene of the The Covenant depicts the 4 main characters leaping over the edge of a cliff. The plot soon follows and the whole movie is a downward spiral that crashes and burns with an uninteresting climax, wooden acting, and a whole lot of hokey computer graphics.

“If anybody needs a bendy straw, I’m your man!” The Covenant fails to make connection with audiences.

Caleb is a descendant of one of the few remaining Ipswich families, a colony akin to Salem Massachusetts that has a long history of witchcraft. Caleb and his 3 friends are born with strange and seemingly unstoppable powers.

The catch is that each time the boys use their powers their human bodies begin to deteriorate and age, eventually killing them.

When a mysterious new comer shows up at Caleb’s private school and strange omens begin haunting his dreams, Caleb realizes that he has to defeat this powerful enemy to save his friends and family.

While the premise is intriguing, director, Renny Harlin, fails to deliver when the characters speak of obscure “darklings” and “incubus” without an inkling of an explanation. Sorry, Renny, not everyone had time in their high school schedule for Witchcraft 101. Assuming that the audience can follow heavy metal music and brief pictures out of textbooks, the movie is spent wondering where these terms come from.

Let’s face it, The Covenant is one huge fallacy. All of the information given about pagans was either painfully wrong or never entirely understood. Instead of tickets, the box office should hand out glossaries.

I am aware that this movie was about a covenant of secrets, but the severe lack of information was ridiculous; Caleb’s alcoholic mother with 15 minutes of screen time knew more about the plot than me.

In between private school rave parties, Hummer chases, energy battles, and sexy dorm mates that only Playboy could imagine and only Hollywood would bring to life, the audience has plenty of time to figure out that they are being had; the best magic trick is the one that caused them to spend 8 dollars on a slow and uninteresting movie.

Renny Harlin tosses all of his eggs into the Teen Heart Throb basket, apparently forgetting that actors are usually good with “talent.”

Before the end, the audience has seen everything except a good idea. In short, The Covenant was boring, unoriginal, and full of mistakes. It may have started out like a corny barroom joke, but it ended without a punch line.

The Covenant is rated PG-13 for some language and thematic elements.