This Drillbit is Boring
Owen Wilson the least entertaining aspect of his new movie

If anyone in Hollywood is currently taking suggestions for “movie formulas” that need to be retired, I have a couple nominees. The first is the inane “revenge” movie whereby some poor schmuck gets a whupping by: a) bullies, b) bad guys or c) aliens and/or robots. Movies with this formula spend the first hour-and-a-half preaching why violence is bad, then spend the last ten minutes basking in glory gory as the poor schmuck enacts a revenge that is as violent as it is predictable.

The second formula I would give the heave-ho toward the pasture is the romantic comedy where our hero has to pretend to be somebody he isn’t. After the girl of his dreams falls in love with his alter ego, he stammers his way through the confession scene where he tells her the truth about who he is and where he comes from. She promptly storms off in a huff. By the end of the film, however, he somehow proves he is worth her hugs and kisses.

Examples of movies with this formula include Tootsie, The Ringer and The Wedding Crashers.

Drillbit Taylor, the new comedy starring Owen Wilson, contains both of these two formulas, neither of which works enough to take the stink off this film.

Drillbit Taylor is the name of a homeless Army veteran (Wilson) living in the woods near Santa Monica, California. Desperate for money to fly to Canada, he answers a personal ad from three high school freshmen looking for a budget bodyguard to help them fend off a psychotic bully and his sidekick.

To ensure Wade, Ryan and Emmit’s safety, Taylor poses as a substitute teacher named Dr. Illbit and infiltrates the high school. Within minutes of meeting an attractive English teacher named Lisa (Leslie Mann), the two are plotting to find some horizontal time together in the teachers’ lounge.

When Lisa and the boys discover that Drillbit is nothing but a pacifist fraud, they turn on him, leaving the bullies with an opportunity to humiliate and harm them to the nth degree.

Drillbit Taylor was filmed in Owen Wilson’s hometown of Santa Monica in 2006, nearly a year before his much publicized suicide attempt. Although there are no warning signs visible in his performance, it is a fairly lifeless acting job with none of the boyish charm and wit seen in The Royal Tennenbaums, Zoolander or even The Wedding Crashers.

Interestingly, the scenes with the three young actors—Nate Hartley, Troy Gentile and David Dorfman—are among the funniest in the movie. Written by Kristofor Brown and Seth Rogen and produced by Judd Apatow, Drillbit Taylor can be considered a younger, less funny version of Superbad. There are also moments of humor provided by a nice cast of extras including Lisa Ann Walter, Lisa Lampenelli, Beth Littleford, Ian Roberts and Stephen Root.

Every scene with Wilson in it, however, is a drag. He seems lost on how to play a simplistic boy-man (the only type of role he has succeeded with to this point) and the audience can’t figure out whether he is supposed to be funny or pathetic. Even his hot teacher affair with Lisa is an uncomfortable stretch, leading to a collective sigh of relief from the audience when she dumps him.

At the end of the day, Drillbit Taylor is worth watching for a few humorous scenes of high school dread, but definitely not going to the top of Owen Wilson’s cinematic resumé anytime soon.

Drillbit Taylor is rated PG-13 for crude sexual references throughout, strong bullying, language, drug references and partial nudity. It is currently playing at Regal Cinemas in Boone.