News of the Weird

Compiled and Ridiculed by Joel Frady

Take out your dead
Times were tough for the House of Burns Memorial Chapel in Pontiac, Mich. - then came the eviction notice.

The employees cleared their desks and cabinets, but they weren't the only residents who had to evacuate.

Five bodies and the cremated remains of 22 others, located at the funeral home, were moved to the Oakland County medical examiner's office for storage. Robert Gerds, an administrator for the medical examiner, said some of the remains dated back more than a decade.

"They were moved from the funeral home due to the foreclosure," an attorney said. "And they better start paying rent at their new home if they plan on staying a while."

'Killer' bees slay dogs

A hive of bees that had been living in a vacant house in Riviera Beach, Fla., struck unexpectedly on Friday afternoon, hospitalizing 70-year-old Nancy Hill and killing her two dachshunds.

The attack happened shortly after 4:30 p.m. when Hill exited her house with the dogs for a typical afternoon walk. They only made it 15 feet out of the house before they were surrounded by the bees.

Palm Beach County Animal Control said that the bees also attacked two local pit bulls, killing one and hospitalizing the other. Officials closed the road and spent the entire evening fighting the bees, finally destroying the hive around noon on Saturday.

Authorities were not sure whether or not the bees were the "killer bees" that originated from Africa, but did have a theory on what made them angry.

"It appears that someone stole their honey," one official said. "And these bees take that more serious than a Leprechaun who's lost his gold."

Nadar claims world record

Green party presidential candidate Ralph Nadar believes he set a world record for giving the most campaign speeches in a single day on Saturday after he spoke in 21 communities in Massachusetts. Nadar said that he was informed by the Guinness Book of World Records that he needed to give at least 150 minutes of speeches, with each speech lasting at least 10 minutes. For each speech, there also had to be 10 people present that weren't part of Nadar's entourage.

Nadar worked all day for the record, beginning at 8:15 a.m. and ending at 11:30 p.m. In total, he spoke for more than 255 minutes at a variety of locations that included a library, a deli, a bank and a farmer's market. Nadar is on the voting ballot in 45 states, but North Carolina is one of the other five.

Nadar said that he continued to speak on the matter "taxation without representation," a subject inspired by the recent $700 billion bailout initiative. He added that he didn't expect to be tired during the day because "when you're seeking justice, as I have for so many years, it's invigorating, not fatiguing."

Nadar did not, however, answer the burning questions on everyone's mind: "Why do you keep running for President when almost no one votes for you?" and "Do you really think anybody cares?"

New York restaurant closes over dead deer

An Erie County Health Inspector said that he has seen a lot of wild and crazy things, but nothing could have prepared him for what he ran into on Friday night at the China King restaurant in Hamburg, N.Y. The inspector visited the restaurant after receiving a tip from local citizens and found employees of the restaurant butchering a deer in the kitchen.

New York state law prohibits the butchering of animals inside restaurants. Authorities said they did not believe that any of the deer meat was served to customers.

The restaurant's answering machine told customers that they were closed due to "family emergencies." Locals say it's not the first time the restaurant has tried to cover a kitchen miscue - after some customers complained that they were serving cauliflower in the Beef and Broccoli dish, owners argued that the vegetable was actually rare "albino broccoli."