News of the Weird

Compiled and Ridiculed by Joel Frady

Deer gets revenge
For Randy Goodman, a 49-year-old hunter from Sedalia, Mo., the firearms season was getting off to a great

start. On only the second day of the season, he had fired two shots into a nine-point buck - an animal that Goodman though was dead.

But as Goodman moved toward the deer, the 240-pound animal came back to life. It arose and knocked Goodman to the ground, where it then attacked him with its antlers - an act Goodman referred to as "15 seconds of hell."

The deer finally stopped attacking Goodman and tried to run away, but two more shots from Goodman's rifle put the deer down for good. After firing the second two shots, Goodman noticed blood on his vest and drove to a hospital. He was treated for bruises and a slight concussion and received seven staples to his scalp.

Goodman released a statement from the hospital, urging his fellow hunters to be sure that the animal is down, reminding them that "if it ain't dead, it's probably going to be mad about the whole 'getting shot' thing."

Police argue with cardboard figure
Officers responding to an alarm at the PNC Bank in Montgomery Township, N.J., spotted a figure inside the bank and attempted to defuse the situation. Three nearby apartment building were evacuated as police surrounded the building, using a bullhorn and making telephone calls in an attempt to discover the demands of the robbers.

After they were unable to get a response, the SWAT team was called in for assistance. They entered the building and found the "thief," which was actually a full-size cardboard figure.

The incident wasn't as embarrassing for the department as the Toys 'R Us stand-off of 2002, when the perceived burglars turned out to be dancing Teletubbies.

Teen swallows stolen earrings
18-year-old William Colburn attempted to steal a Christmas present from a J.C. Penney store at a mall in Naples, Fla., but the heist quickly took a turn for the worse. Colburn had removed a $16 pair of earrings from their box and dropped them into a water bottle, but mall security witnessed the act.

The security officers approached Colburn outside the store, but the thief quickly drank the water in the bottle - along with the earrings. Police arrived and arrested Colburn, who faces charges including retail theft and tampering with evidence.

Police then conducted an X-ray on Colburn, which confirmed that the earrings were still inside him.

"Eating the evidence is popular when people are busted," one policeman said, "but it typically works better when the items in question are digestable." He noted that the earrings were far less dangerous than other contraband goods he has seen people swallow, such as bullets, fireworks and beer cans.

Army wants robots with a conscious
Science-fictions writers who had predicted that armies of robots would eventually replace human armies now know that the days for robot has come, as the United States will have invested $4 billion into the program by 2010.

But in programming the robots, scientists are attempting to program a conscious into the robots so that they will be unable to commit war crimes. The Pentagon has even hired a British scientist to help ensure that the robots don't murder indiscriminately and that they don't feel such factors as fear or anger that soldiers do.

One scientist said that the fix is simple: just change the first rule of robotics from "A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm," to "a robot may only injure human beings wearing the wrong uniform."