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Compiled and Ridiculed by Joel Frady
In Jersey, it's raining birds
Brian Lavine, mayor of Franklin Township in New Jersey,
said he had been told that there might be some culling of birds.
What he wasn't old, but found out soon enough, was that the
bird-specific pesticide used to decrease the local starling
population took a little while to kick in.
Long enough for the birds to get into the air and fall back
to earth, dead, by the hundreds.
"It was raining birds," said Lavine. U.S. Department
of Agriculture officials believe that approximately 5,000 starlings
were killed in the culling, but expressed regret for the consequences.
"We're very sorry that it played out the way that it did,"
said Carol Bannerman, a spokeswoman for the USDA. She said that
the USDA would attempt to do a better job of notifying the public
in the future and possibly provide residents with giant umbrellas.
Man loses dog, car
A man looking for his lost dog saw the situation go from
bad to terrible after he locked his keys in his car. The man,
who lives in the Port Huron Township in Michigan, drove the
1994 Buick onto the frozen Black River to search for the dog.
But he locked himself out of the vehicle, which he left idling.
He then watched as heat from the car's engine melted the ice
over the river, sending the car into the icy waters.
A local police dive team pulled the car out of the river, but
it wasn't even the man's primary car. The Buick was a loaner
while his vehicle was being repaired.
"I told my friend his car was down by the river,"
the man said. "I'm not sure he understood just how far
down I meant."
Creston man charged in break-ins
The Boone Police Department has charged 36-year-old Creston
resident Gary Lee Greer with three count of felony first-degree
burglary after a series of breaking-and-enterings in Boone.
According to authorities, Greer broke into three apartments
in Boone - two on Howard Street and one on Water Street - that
were occupied at the time of the break-ins. The victims, two
female and one male, said they were sleeping in bed and woke
up to find Greer standing over them. He has also been charged
with misdemeanor assault on a female in the incidents.
The male victim said it was one of the strangest experiences
of his life.
"I woke up and there he was, and then he asked me if I
had any Grey Poupon," said the victim, "which confused
me pretty bad since I've never told anyone I keep a jar in my
night stand."
Where's the book?
Shelley Koontz of Independence, Iowa, wasn't too concerned
about the $14 library book she kept forgetting to return. Library
officials and local police, on the other hand, hadn't forgotten
about the nine-month overdue book.
Instead of continuing to call Koontz and remind her of the tardy
book, Koontz was arrested and charged with fifth-degree theft.
Court records showed that library officials had made several
attempts to contact her, and the arrests were preceded by a
police visit in September.
Koontz said that she plans to fight the charge after returning
the book, then asked if they could also arrest her for her unpaid
speeding tickets or the still in her basement.
Gore hearing postponed
A Senate Foreign Relations Committee was scheduled to meet
with former Vice President Al Gore to discuss the "urgent
need" to combat global warming. In the end, the meeting
was postponed - by a winter storm.
While global warming advocates claim this year's winter storms
are proof of climate change, not everyone is convinced.
One Republican politician said that they probably didn't want
to showcase Gore's finding "as a winter storm rages outside,"
adding that they could do it as a teleconference instead using
"Al Gore's internet."
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