News of the Weird

Compiled and Ridiculed by Joel Frady

Super surprise
Football fans in Tucson, Ariz., got a giant surprise toward the end of the Super Bowl on Sunday when Comcast, the local cable television provider, accidentally aired 30 seconds of pornography shortly after Arizona Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald caught a 64-yard touchdown to give the Cardinals a brief 23-20 lead over the Pittsburgh Steelers.

A company representative said that it was an "isolated, malicious act," and that only viewers of the standard definition feed saw the footage. The program aired normally for fans watching in high definition.

A Tucson father of four, who recently purchased a high definition television, said "the beauty of HD: I get a million tiny mirrors for the perfect image, and now I don't have to have the talk years before it's time."

Bad Samaritans!
The evening was already going bad for a New York City cab driver, and a good beating wrapped in good intentions was only going to make matters worse.

The cab driver had driven four women to the Staten Island Ferry Terminal when the women tried to beat the fare - getting quickly out of the cab instead of paying. The driver then chased after the women, grabbing hold of one's purse in an attempt to get his fare. But a group of men passing in a car saw the incident and thought the women were being mugged. They then jumped the cab driver, beat him up and fled the scene.

The women were arrested by police later that evening and charged with fare beating. But for the cab driver, the evening had a different message.

"No matter how bad someone takes advantage of you, never grab the purse," he said. "If there's nothing else to grab onto, let 'em run."

Chimney rescue
Firefighters in Burlington, Vt., were forced to think outside of the box on Sunday in order to rescue a man stuck in his chimney.

Assistant Fire Marshall Thomas Middleton said that they got the call on Sunday after a woman heard someone yelling for help.

Firefighters then followed a trail of footprints onto a roof and found a man stuck in a chimney. The man said that he did not know how he got into the chimney.

Attempts to pull the man out with a rope failed, at which point the firefighters disassembled part of the chimney to rescue the man.

Authorities did not release the name of the man in the chimney, but did say that "he wasn't wearing a bright red suit, but he did have a big, empty sack." They were unsure whether he had given away all of his toys or if he was trying to refill it.

Sister of the bride
Annmarie Bricker of Valparaiso, Ind., was a little angry about not getting invited to the wedding of her sister, Lori Kappes. So, like anyone else, Bricker decided to visit the wedding reception in an attempt to talk with Kappes and her parents about the family problems.

Attempts to talk apparently failed, however, as Bricker attacked Kappes on the front porch of the house that was hosting the reception.

Witnesses say Bricker struck Kappes in the head, pulled out clumps of hair and took her to the ground.

All of the witnesses agreed that it was the best cat-fight they had ever seen at a wedding.