News of the Weird

Compiled and Ridiculed by Joel Frady

Chimp attack
70-year-old Sandra Herold of Stamford, Conn., had a very unusual pet: a 200-lb. chimpanzee named Travis.

According to Herold, Travis is potty trained, eats at the table, drinks wine and could use a computer and a remote control.

Unfortunately, the chimp exhibited none of these qualities on Monday afternoon when it attacked Herold's friend Charla Nash, also of Stamford, leaving her with "life-threatening injuries," according to local police. Herold said Travis attacked Nash when she arrived for a visit.

Herold tried to stop the attack by stabbing the animal with a butcher knife. The attack had ended by the time that police arrived, but Travis was on the loose.

Captain Richard Conklin said that Travis turned on police who arrived at the scene. Officers retreated into their cars, but Travis tried to open the passenger side door of one police cruiser. When that failed, he knocked off the side-view mirror and walked to the driver's side door. He opened the door, at which point officers shot the chimp.

Herold said that the animal "has always been raised like a child by this family," but added that she wishes she hadn't trained the monkey to not throw excrement when it was angry.

"It may be gross, but it's better than getting mauled," she said.

Burglary victim gets last laugh
Patrick Rosario of Bellevue, Wash., was in the basement of his home on Tuesday, Feb. 10, when he heard noises upstairs. He quickly realized they were burglars and called 9-1-1 as he sneaked out of the house.

With the burglars still inside the house, he approached their vehicle -a white van parked in front of the house, the motor running and the keys in the ignition.

Instead of confronting the burglars, Rosario drove to a friend's house. Police said that the burglars left three flat-screen televisions, a laptop computer and a jewelry box by the door when they took off on foot.

Rosario later told authorities he was "amazed, in this era of technological innovation, that anyone would be dumb enough to leave their car unlocked and running while they rob someone" and why anyone trying to make a fast getaway wouldn't just use a vehicle with a quick-start keychain button.

Vegas prepares for iPhone
Nevada gambling regulators might have thought that the six students from MIT that learned how to count cards was bad enough - but thanks to technology, anyone and everyone now has the ability to crack the system thanks to a new iPhone application.

The application, built for Apple's iPhone and the iPod touch, can help players beat casinos in blackjack. The program, if used properly, can help players determine whether it is smartest to adjust their bets or fold a hand.

One regulator said that while it is a bad development for the casinos, "it can't be any worse than that boring movie about those MIT kids."

Can we get a ride?
A drunk couple in La Marque, Texas, felt that they were too intoxicated to drive home. Instead of calling a cab, like most normal people, they turned elsewhere for a ride: the La Marque Police Department.

Police Chief Richard Price said the couple walked into the office and the woman promptly collapsed on the floor. She was later cited for public intoxication, while her boyfriend was arrested for marijuana found in his shoe.

They were later given a list of numbers to call in case they need rides in the future - and a poster to remind them that "police officers are not your DD."